Aquatic Mental Hospital

This weekend my wife took my oldest daughter to New York City for her 16th Birthday. Shopping, 2 Broadway Shows, Nice dinners and staying in a very nice hotel in Times Square.
My youngest daughter and I took a decidedly different type of trip. We went overnight to a Water Park/Resort in Northern Illinois/Wisconsin Border(For those of you in Illinois, Key Lime Cove Water Resort-Building with all the tubes sticking out of it by Great America Amusement Park). First off, the resort has about 200 rooms and then the main building( Aquatic Mental Hospital) that has some of the goofiest slides, lazy river and wave pool. Advertised as being 82 degrees throughout the building, though somehow we found pockets of about 32 degrees which were more than eye oepning. If you don't like children then this place is hell. Median age is about 8 yrs old and that's with a lot of grandparents who were pushing 80 yrs old to dead. Another not surprising observation is the 15 to 1 TATT/HCM ratio.(TATTOOS TO HEALTH CLUB MEMBERSHIPS). Almost all of the guests were really nice, polite people but not sure any of them ever met a buffet they didn't like. I will say that the slides were probably the best water slides I've ever been on and our favorite was definately the one I fondly called "The Ginormous Toilet". You go down a close pipe on an inner tube and shoot out the other end into a huge funnel that swirls you around until you get to the bottom and go down a hole in another pipe and get "Flushed" out. At about the 45 minute mark of our aqua fun, I started to feel a little itchy. Hmmm? Is it the Chlorine I'm in that could melt a COKE can? Is is the fact I'm in heated water with about 1,500 strangers? I knew I should have pre ordered the antibiotics from Walgreens before we left. Finally after 3 hours, my daughter and I called it a day and went back to our room to decide dinner. The resort had just about the nastiest food you could ask for. I think a corn dog was labeled "Healthy Choice" on the menu. Well, we settled for hot dogs, Nachos(with the really bad fake cheese) and some ice cream for dessert. We woke up the next morning and had healthy breakfast of Frosted Flakes( I think a sensor like a smoke detector goes off if any type of fruit enters the building). We then did another 2 hours of water slides (Amazingly that itchy feeling came back again). Finally, time to go home. It was probably the first time in my life that I actually would have welcomed men in Hazmat suits with metal brushes to scrub me down but a hot shower would have to do.

My daughter thanked me for a great time( and I really did have a fun time) and asked me what was my favorite thing at the resort.

I told her that my favorite thing was walking through the resort and seeing a large area under construction with a sign that said

HEALTH CLUB CLOSED-COMING SOON: DONUT SHOP!