Wednesday, September 7, 2011

I Hope This Doesn't Go On My Permanent Record

Let me preface this posting(like I have on a few in the past) that the names on this posting have been changed to protect the moronic individuals involved in this.(Though most of the people involved are either in jail or illiterate). It's June 1983 and I'm a senior in high school with about a week left of school. I've already been accepted to Ohio State and all I have to do is take a few more final exams. It doesn't even matter at this point what grade I get on the final exams as long as I pass them. The last final exam I have to take is in a class called Earth Science. It is an entry level science I forgot to take as a freshman so I had to take it. My class consists of about 20 freshman, myself and 2 other seniors, Pete and Steve. Pete and Steve were not what you would call model citizens but I bonded with them being a senior like them and also not wanting to get my butt kicked by them(If you know me then you know that in the 4 years of being in school with them I had to have goofed on them at least once). So I really wasn't planning on studying too hard for the final knowing all I had to do was basically get a D on the test. Well, 2 days before the exam, Pete tells me he has a copy of the final exam. I said "Are you sure it's the same test we're going to be taking?" He said, " It should be. When I broke into Mrs. Kelly's office, it was sitting right on top of her desk" Broke into Mrs. Kelly's office?!?!?! Good enough for me. Pete, Steve and myself go to Steve's house and start looking at the exam. I say to both of these Rhodes Scholars,"Listen, we don't want to get 100% on the test. We need to get a few wrong." Both Pete and Steve agreed with the plan. The day of the test comes, a Wednesday and it's the same test. Nice! We breeze through it and leave. On Friday, we go to the classroom where the test scores should be posted on the door and there are no test scores. Huh? There's a huge note on the door that says TEST SCORES INCOMPLETE. This is not good! I'm starting to get really nervous. Correction, I'm starting to freak out! I run to Mrs. Kelly's office to see if she is there. I walk in and she's sitting at her desk not looking too happy. Before I could get a word out, she says in the sternest voice "Danny,my office was broken into and the test was stolen. 2 out of the 3 seniors got 100% on the test(way to follow the plan fellas). Every student is being questioned. I will need to speak with you on Monday morning at 9:00 A.M. and Mr.Fisher(The principle of the high school) will be there too." HOLY FREAKIN' MOLY!!!!!! Now I'm in full on panic mode. My life is over. I'm going to get expelled, my mother  is going to kill me and if she doesn't I'm going to be working as an assistant night manager at a Taco Bell the rest of my life. OH MY GOD!!! So the first thing I do after I talk to Mrs. Kelly is meet with Pete and Steve. They are remarkably calm.(Probably because theft of a final exam is probably not too stressful compared other things they've been involved in like armed robbery and auto theft). We're trying to figure out how to get out of this jam and all Pete is saying is "I'm going to find out what freshman told on us and beat the shit out of him!" Not really the constructive problem solving conversation I was looking for. Steve is telling me how he thinks that we should just say we found the exam the day before the test sitting on a table in the cafeteria. Oh Brother!  I'm in deep you know what! My entire future is on the line and I'm partnered up with the love children of Charles Manson and the 3 Stooges. Steve came up with a few other bonehead ideas while Pete is sitting there mumbling something about body dismemberment or something and I tell them, "I have to leave." Also nice timing on this. Happens on a Friday so I have all weekend to think about how I just threw my life down the toilet. All this time, I haven't said a thing to my mother. It's killing me and I finally pull her aside and tell her what happened. Amazingly, she was understanding( not happy at all about it)and gave me great advice. She said go in and tell the truth. Basically ask for mercy from my teacher and the principle. The one thing I had going for me was that I was a good student and had never been in trouble(or at least caught) before. It's Monday morning and after 48 hours of no sleep, I walk into Mrs. Kelly's office where the principle is sitting and say" Mrs. Kelly, Mr. Fisher, I did see the test, I didn't break into your office and take the exam and I don't know who did"(that lie was to protect the others and my physical well being). They paused(for what seemed like a lifetime) then Mrs.Kelly said "Danny, I'm really disappointed in you but I know you're a good student and everyone is entitled to a second chance. You will get a D in my class but you will graduate" WHEWWWWW!!!!!! I walked out of her office and ran home to tell my mother. Again, she was not happy and it absolutely scared me so much that I never ever again thought of doing anything like that in the future. Oh, about Steve and Pete. They got off easier than I thought(considering there was a break in and theft). They both had to go to summer school but did graduate and to this day I still think Pete is looking to beat the shit out of that freshman that told on him.

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