Might Be A Good Idea to Follow The Instructions

The year is 2005, I'm 40 years old and due to family history, I decided I needed to have a colonoscopy. Not the most pleasant procedure but definitely needed(If you're a male and 50 years old and haven't had one, you should get one-my public service announcement for the day). So part of the program is you need to "Clean out" before you have the exam so they can see everything clearly.  "Cleaning out" is basically drinking a liquid substance the night before that induces you to empty everything out of you from the South Side of town. The instruction for taking this liquid is to drink 8 oz of it every 45 minutes ( 32 oz in 3 hours).  So I'm prepared. It's about 6:30 P.M. and I have some reading material( ESPN Sports Almanac) and in some comfortable clothing. I open the container that has this liquid and take a little smell.  Whoa!!!  This stuff smells bad and I'm guessing it doesn't taste good either.  I poor the 1st 8 oz into a cup and drink it. UGGGGHH!!!! This stuff taste horrible.  I mean I never had a problem drinking any kind of shot whether it was Jack Daniels or Tequila but this stuff was god awful..  It was  like a rubbing alcohol taste with a hint of menthol.  Not to mention the texture of it really shouldn't be classified as a liquid.  It was more like a combination of phlegm and a raw oyster.  Not good.  I didn't know how I could sit around and do this 3 more times..Well, me being a rocket scientist I am, I decide that I'm going to attempt to drink as much of this swill as I can as fast as I can...not smart...so I proceed to drink the remaining 24 oz in about 20 minutes.  Not easy but at least I was done with it. So it's been about 40 minutes since the 1st oz and I say to my wife who is in our bedroom with me, "I wonder when this is going to kick in...HOLY !#$@#!!@!"  I feel like what Mt. Vesuvius must have felt like before it erupted. I bolt to the bathroom and let the games begin.  I proceed to sit on the toilet  in the "Evacuation Mode" the next 4 1/2 hours.  My youngest daughter who was 7 at the time, knocked on the door and said "Dad, Mom wants to know how you are doing?"  I replied "Tell Mom I'm asking the lord to take me now"  and then I said to my little girl "Do me a favor and promise me you and your sister won't call the new guy Dad". I think around the 4 hour mark, an organ might have come out of me. When I was finally done, I limped back to my bed( Limped because one of my legs was numb due to sitting on the can for 4 1/2 hours) and went to sleep.  Once again, Danny excelling in stupidity.