Something Doesn't Smell Right in Denmark

My third job in Sales was as a multiple line sales representative in sporting goods. I had 7 lines ranging from racquetball equipment to soccer shoes. My territory was the entire state of Illinois. Most sales reps would have focused on Chicago(where 95% of my account base was) but I’m going to see everyone in Illinois that I can sell sporting goods to. That means little stores in little towns.(unfortunately, by 2009, all those mom and pop stores got gobbled up by the big box retailers).
I’m off on my first road trip to downstate Illinois. My SUV is loaded up with my samples, maps and a sales rep ready to conquer the world of sporting goods. Now, I’ve got it all planned. My first appointment is with Bill’s Hunting and Sporting Goods in Collinsville, Illinois. About 15 minutes away from St. Louis and 6 hours away from me. Bill says come on in at 10:00 A.M.. I leave my house at 4:00 A.M. and its pitch black outside. I’m at about the 3 hour mark and I feel a bump and hear a weird sound. I think I just lost a hubcap. I pull over and open my car door. My foot hits the ground but the ground is way too soft. Oh Man, I just stepped in ankle high wet mud. Funny thing, this wet mud smells kind of bad. Not bad, horrible. I have just stepped in cow manure. This is not good. I have everything in my car but a towel. I typically didn’t have a real need to wipe off cow manure when driving in Chicago. After I decide which sample soccer jersey I’m going to sacrifice, I clean myself as well as I can.
The next 3 hours of driving was bad. Downstate Illinois is the most boring drive you can make. All flat and cornfields. You can go into a self induced coma and drive off the road. It also didn’t help that the manure smell kept me company the entire way. I finally see a sign that says BILL’S HUNTING AND SPORTING GOODS. I’m on time. Stinky but on time. As I lug about 4 rolling racks of samples into the store, a man in there looks at me and says “What the heck do you think you you’re doing?” I said, “ I have an appointment with Bill” He says,” Bill went fishing and won’t be back for 3 days.” As I stood there dumbfounded, the man then says, “ I hope you didn’t drive to far for this.” I replied “ No, not far at all, got a towel?”