Good Thing Jews Don't Believe in Hell Part 2

January 14, 1978.  That was the date of my Bar Mitzvah. This is the ceremony where a Jewish boy who has turned 13 joins the Jewish Community as ""Man". Right. All 4' 10 and 85 lbs of me was becoming a "Man"! There is a long service at the synagogue that the young boy reads out of the Torah(Jewish Holy Scriptures) and then afterwards there is a party(only motivation for Jewish boys to go through 5 years of the torturous religious school). Well, my synagogue was really hardcore. Very religious(my family wasn't religious but the synagogue was close to my house and when it came to my family, convenience beats religious faith). Old school members who would sit at Saturday morning services for 5 hours. Hardcore. Well, back to my momentous day and the 2 things that stood out the most, First, if you know me(really if you know  either of my parents or siblings), you know that I have a genetic birth defect. Volumous Maximus. I'm loud. Really loud. Not only that but I had the same voice I have now as a 46 year old man as I did as a child. (yes,I could order over the phone a keg of beer for my kindergarten class!) So, I'm up on the synagogue stage reading the Torah with the Rabbi and the Cantor(Jewish Religious teacher and Synagogue Choir leader) in front of the entire congregation(about 500 people) and there is a microphone so people can hear the young boys speak.  I'm banging away chanting, singing and praying with my parents in the front row beaming with with pride. (the front row was saved for the parents of the Bar Mitzvah boy and the old hardcore synagogue members-usually Jewish men ranging in age from 78-106). All of a sudden I see the Rabbi lean over to the Cantor and say "Shut off his mike, he's killing the first two rows!"
The second thing that I will always remember is that after I was done reading out of the Torah, my parents come up on the stage with me and the Rabbi and present me with my Tallis(Jewish Prayer Shawl that men and now women wear to Jewish services). UH OH!  I had learned verbatum to near perfection all the prayers and my Torah reading portion but totally forgot that I had to do the prayer for receiving my Tallis. I knew that it began with the word "Baruch" and ended with the words "Ba Zti Zti"  So I winged it. After saying "Baruch", I rattled off any Jewish words i knew and ended with "Ba Zti Zti".  Who knows what I even said. Well, The Rabbi knew! As my parents were beaming and looking at me with so much pride, the Rabbi was looking at me with a big scowl on his face probably thinking "That little ....."