NEIGHBORS

Everyone has neighbors that annoy, irritate and just down right drive us crazy but not everyone tells the world about them. Let me preface by saying that these people I'm going to tell you about are hard working good people but absolute freaks.

Neighbor #1- Is That a 300 Foot Antenna or Are You Just Happy To See Me?

This is my neighbor directly next to me. Nice quiet family with kids. Well, the father is a Ham Radio enthusiast( so much he has a special license plate that states this-OOH NEAT!). If I'm right, Ham Radio kind of went out of style around 1979 with CB radios and 8 Track Tape Players. About 12 years ago(that would be 1999) my neighbor puts on his roof a 300 foot high antenna for his ham radio. I mean this thing is HUGE! At the time, I called my young daughters to come outside when he and his buddy were putting up this monstrosity and said "Girls, come over her. You may actually see a man fall to his death" Let alone he can talk to people in China, he probably can talk to people on Uranus! (Where I'm guessing he has relatives.)Now with cell phones and the Internet, I can't imagine this guy is using the ham radio that much but you never know. The good news is that my house is safe during storms because the house next to me has the world's largest lightning rod.


Neighbor #2-You Do Follow the Good Book,Don't You?

I will call these neighbors, who live behind me,Stan and Ann. Stan and Ann are very quiet folks with 2 kids. They seem nice(In 16 years don't think I've had a conversation longer than 7 minutes with either of them). Tragically, Stan fell off his roof about 10 years ago(shoveling snow off of it-you'd think that would be something I would do)and had serious head injuries but is alright now(though I think ever since the fall, he thinks he's Richard Nixon). Recently in our town, there has been controversy about literature in the high school that has content that deals with homosexuality. It's gotten people in an uproar. The people that support it(my wife and myself in that group) and super religious folks that are vehemently against it.(These narrow minded homophobes are entitled to their opinions). One day my wife is in our backyard and Ann approaches her.(probably the 1st time in 16 years) and says "Lisa, what do you think about all the stuff going on at the high school with the books?" Lisa, not sure what to say, replied "Ann, I really need to find out more about this before I feel comfortable taking a stance." Nicely played.(My wife definitely has a political future). Ann replies, "Stan and I don't believe in homosexuality." My wife stunned then says without missing a beat "OK,well you have a nice day Ann." At least I know where to get a cross to burn if I need one.


Neighbor #3-"Officer,He Seemed To Keep To Himself"

My across the street neighbors are very clean, very quiet and very STRANGE. Dad is an older guy into working out, has the sports car(he washes by hand twice a week)and works out of his home. Mom is an extremely morose woman(I'd say clinically depressed) that looks like she has major health problems(opposite of husband in terms of being in good physical shape). Their 33 year old son, who looks like the love child of Ted Kaczynski aka the UNIBOMBER and Charles Manson(long hair,goatee and if he was any paler,he'd be see thu), still lives at home and is newly unemployed after working for years at the local BLOCKBUSTER. I see him from time to time leaving his house dressed in full camouflage clothing and carrying what looks like STAR WARS toys. NORMAL!!!. They do have a daughter, who my family fondly calls Marilyn(MUNSTER reference people)because she seems really normal and nice and is the only member of the family that has ever spoken to us in 16 years. Marilyn is married with a baby, lives far away(no doubt on purpose) and we maybe see her once every 3 years. There is always someone up all night in the same room in the house with a dim light on(guessing someone on the computer looking up how to either build a bomb out of snow blower or finding out how long it takes for a body to decompose if you bury it in your basement.) SCARY!

I take solace knowing that most people have neighbors that are a bit off and for the most part these people are harmless.

I cannot wait for the block party!