That Skunk Owes Me a Cigar

If you ever want to find me on a Friday night in the summer, all you have to do is go to my backyard where you'll find me smoking a cigar. After a long week of work, there's nothing more relaxing than having a nice dinner with my wife and kids and then going out to my patio for a good stogie. Let me give you the setting. I have a fire going in my ceramic fire pit, sitting on my chaise lounge, I'm listening to tunes on my iPod and I'm smoking a really good cigar(one of the few things in life I splurge on). I can't begin to tell you how much this decompresses me from a long week and clears my head. I talk to my Silver Maple tree in my yard(only thing in a house of females that doesn't talk back to me). Danny's little slice of Heaven. This one Friday night I'm all set up.  Perfect evening. About 75 degrees, no wind and stars in the sky.  I light up my cigar and go to another world.  No more than 5 minutes into my smoking therapy session an uninvited guest(No, not my annoying neighbor that wants to tell me about his golf game and start a BROMANCE) strolls into my backyard.  A skunk. I've had opossums, cats and even a raccoon once but never a skunk. Oh man! This is not good especially because this black and white trespasser is just standing there staring at me.  He's also about 8 feet away from me. I sit still and hope he will just go on his way.  Not only is he not going on his way but he's walking towards me. You don't have to hit me over the head with a hammer on this one. I'm leaving. Though, what am I supposed to do with my cigar that is lit? I can't smoke it in the house(wife has an iron clad NO SMOKING rule in the house) but I don't want to waste a perfectly good cigar.  So now with the skunk kind of creeping closer( aren't animals supposed to be scared of humans?) I head to my patio door to go inside. The next sight is priceless. I'm standing barely inside my family room by the the sliding door to the patio with the door almost completely shut except with my hand holding the cigar about a foot extended from the sliding door.  Not only is this not good but not comfortable. I'm hoping this skunk will leave but he isn't. Not only that but looking closely at him, I think he's laughing. He's thinking "This Moron is standing inside his house holding a cigar outside his house" Finally after about 10 minutes of this standoff, I decide "Screw This!" I put my cigar out and go inside.  The skunk stayed out there for  another 90 minutes( I thought of offering the little bastard some lemonade).My wife got the biggest kick out of the skunk making me leave my own patio and said "In all honesty, I'm not sure that the stink of a skunk spraying you is much worse than how you smell after smoking a cigar"  I love you too!