The Big Mac Challenge

I realize that this posting comes right after another posting having to do with my eating but I can't believe I haven't posted this sooner because this posting will probably amaze you,make you laugh, disgust you or all of the above. In my last post, I mentioned my voracious appetite. This posting will just confirm that.
So about 4 years ago, my employees and I are having lunch. Not sure how we got on this subject but one of my colleagues mentioned that she had never had a Big Mac. What? Who in the U.S. (probably the world now)has never had a Big Mac. I love 'em. Also, for a few years, I had been eating healthier and probably couldn't remember the last time I had a Big Mac. Well, one thing led to another and I said "I think I could eat 5 Big Macs in an hour" HUH!!! Everyone in the room was shocked at that statement, even knowing about my eating capabilities. Well, the Big Mac Challenge was on. About $100 was raised (Definately not close to enough money I should have gone for)and we set the ground rules.

1) Do it on a Friday, so if I get massively sick, it's the end of the week anyway
2) Must eat all 5 in 60 minutes and if any come back (aka throw up)within the 60 minutes, I lose

So the the about 2 weeks later the big day was here. The entire company was in the conference room. I was in jeans and a hooded sweatshirt( need to be comfortable for this kind of event)and ready with a couple of Cokes to wash down these babies.

My co-worker bought the Big Macs and we were ready to go.

I ate the 1st two Big Macs in about 3-4 minutes. Just pounded them(In the old days, 2 Big Macs would be what I would order in a normal McDonald's meal). Feeling good. Number 3 went down in another 7 minutes. Feeling full, no doubt, but feeling like this may not be as tough as I thought(NOT-as you will read later). I've got roughly 45 minutes to eat 2 Big Macs after I just polished off 3 of them in 15 minutes. No problem. Or so I thought.

I start to eat #4 and something came over me. Not sure if it was all the nitrates, grease or what but I didn't feel good at all. My stomach felt much more full than it did about 5 minutes ago. I kept going and it took me about 10-12 minutes to finish #4. At this point, I'm really not feeling good and thinking to myself"I really don't want to eat anymore" I'm looking at #5 and thinking "There isn't a chance I'm eating that" My wife ( who knows better than anyone how I eat) is on the speakerphone and she's saying "Stop being a wimp and eat that last one!" Love the support. I pick up #5 and bite into it. Oh Boy, this is not going to be easy. It takes 15 minutes to finish 2/3 of the Big Mac. At this point I tell my wife, "Do me a favor. When this is over, just promise me the kids don't call the new guy Dad" Other than having Mono and some bad days in college after drinking too many "beverages", this is the sickest I've ever felt in my life. I've got 5 minutes to eat 1/3 of a Big Mac and I'm getting ready to meet my maker. Well, somehow, I got the last of the 5th Big Mac down. Everyone cheered as I just sat there with my eyes closed thinking of how close I came to actually dying by overdosing on Big Macs. I went to my office, pulled the hood of my sweatshirt over my head and just sat there. For an hour. I finally felt a bit better. Believe it or not, I had dinner that night. I know, I'm not human.

So,there you have it.

5 Big Macs in 60 minutes=10 beef patties, 15 pieces of bun and a near death experience.

When I think back, the one thing that pops into my head is


I couldn't have said, "I could eat 4 Big Macs in an hour." I had to say 5!

I Thought Your Sister Liked Me?

I have the dubious reputation of being a big eater. For a guy that is 5'7" 160 lbs, I eat like I'm 6"2" 230 lbs. I'm lucky that I have a fairly high metabolism and workout a lot or I'd be a 5'7" 230 lbs guy. Nothing I won't eat and truly love all types of food. My wife's sister who lives in Milwaukee is a wonderful cook and baker. She really has a knack for making great meals and baked goods. Something else she's always done is make homemade preserves and pickles. They're made from the freshest ingredients and package so cute in little jelly and pickle jars. Looks like they belong in a Norman Rockwell picture. Well, my personal favorite of my sister-in-law is her homemade garlic pickles. They have the perfect spicy flavor( I need to eat anything and everything spicy and hot- I think I had my taste buds removed at my Bar Mitzvah!) So, every year, my sister-in-law sends a jar or two of preserves to us and of course, a jar of her garlic pickles. She knows I love them and appreciates how much I like them. Typically, she will call a couple days after to see how her biggest garlic pickle fan liked that year's batch.
Well about 4 years ago, we get the batch of preserves and of course, my jar of garlic pickles. I normally knock out the entire jar of pickles in about 2 days. With my mouth watering, I open up the jar ready to attack the pickles. I bite into my first pickle and it tastes kind of funny. It didn't taste spoiled but had a odd oily taste. What the heck, finish that one and dig into another pickle. This one didn't taste as bad as the first one but still there was something different. I proceed to eat 4 more pickles and then put the jar back in the fridge. My wife the next day opens up the fridge and says "Whew!! What is that smell??!?!" She pulls out the jar of pickles and realizes that this is where this pungent smell is coming from. I tell her to pitch them. I told her that bizarrely, this was not only the worst batch of pickles her sister ever made but probably the worst food or meal she ever made. Weird but everyone is entitled to a bad day. Another weird thing was no call from my sister-in-law to see how I liked the pickles. The usual call I get after 2-3 days never came. Really weird. About 6 weeks later my wife is talking to her sister and my sister-in-law says "Did Danny eat the pickles I sent him?" My wife said "Yes, he did" My sister-in-law replies "Really?" So, my wife says " Yeah why?" My sister-in-law says " Well, I'm embarassed to tell you but I think a couple jars of pickles were tainted with some kind of chemical. We figured that either you threw them out or didn't eat them"
NICE!!!!! I basically ate the newest flavor in pickles. POISON! Thank goodness I have a cast iron stomach. What would have at minimum gotten a normal human being tremendously sick or even something more serious just gave me some bad gas! My wife at that point said "You're not a normal human being" (which anyone that has met me knows already)

Lesson Learned: Something smells funky, don't eat it!

Persistence Pays Off

So today, I’m meeting with a good size law firm in Chicago that about 8 years ago, I was providing them with all their promotional products. They gave me a good amount of business.

Well, 8 years ago my buyer left the firm and the new buyer basically said, “I have a vendor, I’m not switching and you don’t need to call me again”

Oh nice!

I decided to keep calling the firm once every 4 months to see if this buyer was still there.

Finally, in July 2010, I called and the buyer was gone. There was a new buyer that had never been in law industry. Unfortunately, it seemed like the old buyer gave her notes on me and she was not really receptive to meeting with me.

I kept calling every month.

Finally she gave me a meeting today for a small project.

I meet her this morning and she says “I’m really busy because I’m going out of town Saturday”

I said, “Where are you going?” she says “Acapulco” I reply “I was just there a month ago, where are you staying” ( I actually was there a month ago)

She replies “The Grand Mayan” I reply, "That's where I stayed!" (actually did)


So we talked about Acapulco for about ½ hour then got down to business where she was really receptive to the items I brought to show her. I left with a request for a quote and another meeting for anther project.

I'm feeling good that I'm back in the firm and will get my business back to where it was before.

So, for all of you sales professionals out there, don't give up or give in. Stay the course and keep at it. Persistence does pay off.

Did Everyone Go To The Bathroom?

I'm going to a speaking engagement in Orlando this weekend where I will be doing 3 sales seminars and I'm sitting on a panel for a discussion about client/vendor relationships. Well, this got me thinking about the last time I sat on a panel. It was 2008 at McCormick Place in Chicago. I was 1 of 4 panelists on a panel discussion that I can't even remember what the subject was. Being on panels and watching panel discussions, I have found the best moderators ask only a couple of the panelists to answers the questions. Meaning, you don't just go down the line and ask every panelist their views or answers. This will come in to play later in this post. I'm a blessed man in that at night I put my head on my pillow and in 5-7 minutes I'm out for the next 7-8 hours. This happens 360 out of 365 days a year. So back to the 2008 panel discussion. I had 3 hours of sales seminars at this event and then was ending as a panelist from 4:00-5:00 PM. Just my luck, the night before this marathon day was 1 of the 5 days a year I couldn't get to sleep. I'm exhausted. So I proceed to drink STARBUCKS Coffee all day. I was basically on a caffeine drip for 8 hours. To try to balance myself, I'm also drinking tons of water. If I wasn't speaking at one of my sales seminars, I was in the bathroom. So it's 4:00 and I just have this panel discussion for 1 hour. Being an idiot,( I thinks that's on my business card?)I don't go to the bathroom before the discussion. The 4 panelists are sitting on stage and I'm at the end of the stage, last seat. The moderator,who's really a nice guy, is doing exactly what I said earlier NOT to do. He's asking each panelist to answer each question. BRUTAL!!!!! It's now 4:30 and I have to go to the bathroom( What a shock after 4 Grande Starbuck coffees and 3 bottles of water). It's now 4:45 and I'm in more than a little bit of pain, wishing I had a pair of Depends Adult Diapers in my briefcase. The clock hit 4:55 and my eyes are rolling to back of my head and I'm thinking "I'm definately going to pass out" Someone in the audience asks a questions and of course the moderator goes down the line with me being last. He gets to me and says "Danny, what are you thoughts on this?" I reply "John, I have to go to the bathroom right now!" I jump off the stage and run out of the room like an Olympic Sprinter hearing the starter's gun. I get back, and the discussion is over.
Usually at this type of event this organization does a video interview for their website. As I'm walking up, one of the other panelist says "Hey, Piss Boy, you get to do the interview as punishment for running out on us!" I did the interview and when I got done all I could think of was what every parent says to their kids right before a long road trip. "Did everyone go to the bathroom?"

Only in Vegas!

I'm at my annual convention for promotional products (2011 PPAI EXPO in Las Vegas) and as always this event and Las Vegas never lets me down for bizarre behavior. Besides your normal seniors blowing their social security money,hotel hookers and other random mutants(Las Vegas is #1 People Watching destination), i had 2 things that happened to me that stood out.

#1 You've Got To Be Kidding Me!

I'm a buyer at the show so I walk around and vendors are trying to get my business. Lots of people trying to ingratiate themselves to me.On the 2nd day within 10 minutes of each other 2 sales reps from different vendors see me and walk to greet me. They both do the same exact thing. As they walk towards me to shake my hand, they both wipe their nose with their bare hand! You serious?!?!? I'm freaked but they do this when they are so close to me, I end up shaking their hand. YUCKKKK!!!! I immediately look for a vendor that sells anti bacterial spray/gel(which there are about 30 at this event), run over and quickly soak my hands in it.

#2 A Senior Moment

I'm talking to a woman I know and standing in an aisle in between exhibitor booths and I'm holding my Blackberry in my hand. All of a sudden a old man in a scooter(The kind of scooter a senior citzen, disabled person or a person who hasn't been to a health club or had a salad in years would ride)drives at me and says "Can I have that?" This old guy grabs my Blakcberry which i'm not letting go of. This guy is laughing and keeps repeating "can I have that?" while trying to drive off. I'm not letting go and scooter boy is dragging me a few feet when I say "NO YOU CAN'T!" while ripping my hand away from his. He drives off laughing like an escaped mental patient.

I think if I went to more trade shows (only go to one a year) or lived in Las Vegas, I'd have enough material to post to this blog twice day

only in Vegas!

I Better Brush Up on My Spanish

It's winter of 2010 and I'm on a wonderful vacation in beautiful Acapulco, Mexico. Perfect weather (87 and sunny for 8 days straight), great resort and enjoying quality time with my wife and 2 daughters. One thing I really like about this resort ( and Acapulco for that matter) is that there doesn't seem to be a lot of Americans. My family ( along with maybe 2 other American families from what I can tell) and just some of the nicest Mexican people you will ever find. I always tell my kids, "We are guests in other countries and should respect where you are" By this I mean, let's try to speak Spanish as much as possible. ( Ironically, most of the Mexicans want to speak English when they find out where American)
So, everyday, my daughters and I would swim in the ocean at least once a day, sometimes twice. The waters were a bit rough but we never ventured out too far. The beach had a so-called lifeguard that hung out. Strangely, there were no motor sports on the beach(wave runners, jet skis or even motor boats). I think this was because we weren't in a bay, we were in the open ocean. One day, my daughters and I were the only ones in the water and went out probably to far. The lifeguard hops on his Wave Runner and rides out to us. He says to me (thinking I'm Mexican), "Senor, #$@$@#>>@$#>>>....." I have no idea what he said but the first thing out of my mouth was "Cuantos Trente Minutos?" which translates into "How much for 30 minutes?" This guy was trying to save us from danger and I'm asking him how much to rent his wave runner for 30 minutes!

Later, I apologized to him and he was really nice about it. To me it meant I was really having a good time and relaxed because my first thought when seeing the lifeguard wasn't about the safety of my children but "Hey, a Wave Runner would be fun to ride"