How Did You Not Feel That?

It's the winter of 2011 around late February. If everyone(especially in the Midwest and East) recalls, lots of snow. So my oldest daughter at the time, has had her driver's license for about 2 months. Let me preface by saying that my daughter is a better driver than me now (If you don't believe me, read the post "Employee of the Month"). So my wife and I never hesitate to let her use one of our cars when she needs it. Well, It's a Tuesday night around 7:00 P.M. and she has asked if she can use the car to pick up her friend and drive to their weekly dance class. Hmm? Should I let her take the car or should I get off my ass that is securely planted on my couch watching some sporting event of some kind? Of course, she can take it. All I ask is for her to call me when she gets to the dance studio to make sure she got there safely. Off she goes and I assume the relaxation position. About 2 minutes later the house phone rings and I see on the caller ID my daughters name and cell phone number. UH OH!  This cannot be good. My daughter in a half panic mode says "Dad, I'm about a block away from the house and I think there is something stuck under the car." So, I throw on my winter coat and boots and head out of my garage. Now garbage and recycling pick up is on Wednesday mornings, so I always put out the garbage can and recycling bin on Tuesday nights which I did that earlier that evening. When I get out on my driveway, I don't see either of them. Hmmm? Did I not put them out? I know I did and I even look into my garage and see they are not there. It's pitch black outside but I look around and finally see where the recycling bin is. It is directly across the street from my house on my neighbor's lawn which is about 200 feet away! I put the recycling bin back and start walking down my block where I can see my wife's Honda Pilot is idling. (If you don't know what a Honda Pilot is, it's one of the Steroid SUV's that women in my neighborhood are issued at the maternity ward of our local hospital after the birth of their 2nd child.). I get to the car and can see that our garbage can is wedged under the car. I go to the driver's side window to talk to my daughter. I ask "Are you alright?" She replies "Yes"  I then say "Our garbage can is wedged under the car. Shut off the engine and I'm going to pull it out". She turns off the car and I go under the car from the back to get the can out. Oh yeah, it's also about 20 degrees outside. (Thought I'd throw that in to let you now how crappy it was outside). I'm pulling the garbage can and cannot unwedge it. I mean this sucker is stuck. I then tell my daughter "You're going to have to pull up a bit while I unwedge the can." She says "No problem" She starts the car and I get to the back under the car. I then jump up and run to her window again and say "Listen, whatever you do, do not put the car in reverse! You do that and Mom has to start checking out J-Date". She pulls up and I get the can out. I kiss her goodbye and off she goes to her dance class. She gets home about 2 hours later and my wife and I greet her as she comes in. My wife is the concerned parent asking if she is OK. After she says she's fine, I couldn't contain myself so I asked her "When you were pulling the car out of the garage, did you not feel yourself hitting both the garbage can and the recycling bin?" She replied "I thought I was going over a snow bank on the driveway" I replied calmly, "Well, I'm impressed that you knocked the recycling bin that far and surprised that the mailbox is still standing."

And The Winner is.....Horse Radish!

Well, it's been a while but here's another eating story from yours truly. This is about maybe only the 2nd or 3rd time I've been beaten by food. (I told you about my last culinary defeat in "And The Winner is...Habanero Pepper!"). So I'm at my annual industry trade show in Las Vegas this past week. I had a speaking gig at the trade show also, so I was there for 4 days(way too long in Vegas for me). So after a day of speaking or walking the trade show, I look forward to eating at one of the many fine restaurants Las Vegas has to offer. The 3rd night of the show, the owner of our company has told us that he's taking us to a great restaurant at the Bellagio Hotel. I'm excited because I know that this is going to be a great meal and I'm hungry as hell.  The owner also tells us that we've been invited to a wine tasting party thrown by one of our vendors that is also at the Bellagio. He tells us, "Let's go to the party, get some drinks and then we'll go eat"  Considering I don't drink and I haven't been to an industry party in 9 years (don't like hanging out with people who do the same thing I do. Just don't), I wasn't overly excited to go but whatever, I'll survive. So we get to the Bellagio Hotel and find the ballroom where this party is. It's packed with people. Also, there are a bunch of long tables with lots of different wines for people to taste. We also notice they have stations with different kinds of food. Lots of stations. There's a station with Asian Noodles, a station with fruit, a station with Sushi and there a couple of stations with  guys carving what looks like Prime Rib. Not to mention, there are a bunch of servers walking around with great hors d'oeuvres.  I was pleasantly surprised at not only how much food but how good it was. We're all filling up on food (we ate so much that we ended up cancelling our dinner reservations). So It's time for me to get some of that Prime Rib. I grab a plate and a little roll while my guy in the chef outfit is carving a really nice piece of beef. He plops the Prime Rib on my roll and now it's time to add a condiment. There's about 5 little bowls of what looks like Mustards and Horse Radish. I ask the chef about each one. He tells me about each but my attention is on the one that he calls "Pure Horse Radish". We all know that I like food as hot and spicy as it comes so I figure "Pure Horse Radish" was the call.  I grab the ladle and start to put the horse radish on my mini Prime Rib sandwich. "Put" is probably the wrong word. I should use the word "Glob" because I put a TON of horse radish on this sandwich.  I think the chef must have been thinking "Geez, fella. Do you need a paintbrush?" Now I'm ready to sink my teeth into this bad boy. I take a pretty healthy bite and HOLY *#&#@%* !!!! Immediately it feels as if my face has exploded. The burning sensation I'm feeling in my eyes, nose and mouth is unreal. My eyes and nose are watering like someone drilled a hole in the back of my head and stuck a garden hose in it. My mouth feels like I just drank Drano. The woman next to me says "Are you OK?" I say, "No! You may have to take me to the emergency room!"  She laughs thinking I was kidding and walks away. I grab a full glass of water I had with me and down it in about 2 seconds. I'm starting to regain my senses and grab a plain roll to try to nutrilize this heat.  It actually worked( along with 2 more glasses of water). After I composed myself I walked back to this same station. I asked the chef "What is your name?" He replied "Renaldo". I said "Renaldo, you seem like a very nice man."(learned at an early age not to anger people that handle your food)  He replied "Thank you" I then continued "But that being said when you saw me put so much of the horse radish on my sandwich, did it ever occur to you to tell me that it was going to burn my ass out?" He looked at me sheepishly and replied "No, sorry about that." Thanks Renaldo.