Boot Camp: How Hard Could It Be?

So I just made a major life change in that I quit Karate after 7 years of training. As you move up in belt rankings, your commitment level(more weekly classes and training) also goes up and with a full time job, part time speaking/sales training/blog writing job and oh yeah, a family(which includes 2 teenage daughters who I love to death but are sucking the life and $$$$ out of me) I didn't have it in me. Loved it, appreciated it and can do damage(hopefully never have to) to anyone if I truly need to. So now I was looking for a new type of workout. I already do weight lifting 3 days a week in the gym in my basement but was looking for a bit more. Well, I joined a health club in my town for cardio classes. I've never taken cardio classes but decided it was time. Started out with spin classes (basically intense road cycling classes done on a special stationary bike to great music). Love spin classes. Then I took a kick/boxing class. Again, intense work out but done to music(I love music, especially working out to it).  Great class. The next class I was going to try was something called "Boot Camp"  When I joined the health club the club manager said to me that "Boot Camp" was a 45 minute circuit training that was very intense but not for everyone. I told him that I was in pretty good shape and was looking for something replace my Karate training. He took one look at me and said "I think this class might be right up your alley"  It's a Thursday night and I go upstairs where the "Boot Camp" is being held. There's about 40 people and no one that physically impressive looking. Being new, I follow this woman in front of me as they send our group of 8 to the 1st circuit training. This was for abdominal work and the guy doing the 3 minute circuit training is a hulk of a man who proceeds to have us do fairly easy abdominal exercises. A loud whistle blows and we go to the next circuit station. The guy running this circuit station is bigger than the first guy and has an Eastern European accent. He looks like he was just let out of the Gulag and all he did while he was doing time for god's know what, was lifting weights. He's yelling at us to run up and down a flight of stairs. Being my first time and not knowing the drill after 3 times of doing this, I say "Should we keep going?" He looks at me and tells me( actually yelling) "Yes, move it!" Geez, relax roid boy, I can hear you. Whistle blows. Next Station. This circuit station is what they call the "Jumping Station". We are playing follow the leader and the leader is a 25 year old guy who is like a jack rabbit on speed. He's making us jump on steps, left leg only, right leg only. Jump, Jump, Jump.  At one point, I felt like saying "Hey buddy, how about slowing down a bit. Not all of us have been drinking Red Bull for 10 hours straight. Whistle Blows. We go on to do 2 more stations(one was doing squats with weights for 3 straight minutes and the other one was doing push ups with weights that the Nazis wish they could have used in WWII).  Finally, the last whistle blew and just sit there in massive pain and dripping wet. The jack rabbit and the roid boys all scurry downstairs to no doubt eat protein shakes or rip phone books in half. As I'm walking out to my car feeling a lot pain in muscles I didn't even know I had, I'm thinking "That really wasn't pleasant and I actually paid for this physical abuse".

Insert Foot in Mouth

The year is 1991 and I'm on my honeymoon with my new young bride (who is still putting up with me 20 years later).  We both had little money at the time so our travel agent said that we could stay in a nice resort for 7 days or 10 days at not so nice(some might describe it as a "Dump") resort. Of course, we chose the latter so we could have a longer honeymoon. Well. here are some of the lowlights of the resort:

1) The balcony of our room had a ginormous water boiler on it. Nice

2) The gift/sundry shop was open 1 day out of the 10 days we were there and the day it was open, it was open from 1:00 P.M. -1:15 P.M. Really nice

3) Our room overlooked where the employees showered, so we got a show everyday. Unfortunately for us, the employees looked more like Rosie O' Donnell and Chris Farley than Brad Pitt and Heidi Klum

So as in most all-inclusive resorts, you're seeing the same people day in, day out. At our resort, there where a lot of Europeans, especially Germans. There was one fellow from Germany that had the disease alopecia. Alopecia is where you have no hair on your body at all. This man had no hair on his head and no eyebrows. You get the picture. So as our trip is going on, we would always notice this man because unfortunately he did stick out in the crowd. It is the 2nd to last day of our trip and we're in the main restaurant having lunch. As we are eating, my wife says ( and kind of loudly) "I wonder where the bald guy is? I haven't seen him all day"  Well, This man is sitting directly behind my wife and a table about 2 feet away. I look down at my meal and said quietly "He's right behind you"  My wife turned white(which was tough to do because after 9 days in Jamaica, she had a great tan). Never missing an opportunity to humor myself (even at the expense of my new bride and future mother of my daughters) I say "You know, if there's one word in the English language this guy knows it's BALD"  To this day, my wife and I always have a good laugh on our anniversary thinking about that.